I can not believe it been over a year since I put pen to paper…..well actually yes I can as I have no idea where the time has gone. It seems to be a blink and miss it scenario at the minute.
So much has happened, L sat GCSE’s and then left school but is bravely fighting mental health, E finally got her diagnosis of ADHD combined and started to accept herself and understand herself, C started college and is trying to manage her seizure’s and M is nearly 19 and makes me so proud each and every day with how hard she works even though she still needs a lot of help and support from me and dad.
Who ever said it gets easier the older they get though I have come to realise is a big fat lier, that phrase is a myth we tell ourselves to get us through the terrible twos, threes and beyond. I like a muppet really did believe that it would get easier and now here I am with a 18,17,16 and 12 year old and in the heat of the moment, in the eye of the storm fervently wishing they were still babies I could tuck up in bed with their bottle and favourite toy just so I can take a breather.
Breathe…..sometimes that’s all I want to do, I want to be left alone for 5 minutes, I don’t want to be touched or talked too, I don’t want to smile, or listen to anything. I don’t want to fill in forms, speak to professionals, I don’t want to go out and do anything, I don’t want to socialise I just want to be myself just for 5 minutes.
Playing a game together
Unfortunately my reality is that I am on call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year with no holidays. I’m a co – parent, wife, sister, daughter, friend, carer, business owner, mental health worker, Triage for medical issues, taxi, bank, emotional support, 1:1, advocate, translator, punchbag, you name it it’s in the job description for a parent raising disabled and special needs children.
When your children become an age where you hope they can be self sufficient those with special needs and disabilities still need you. They have needs but it’s hard to remember that so do you!!!
It’s exhausting and frankly bloody annoying sometimes and when I’m feeling really off there are times I could walk away from it all. That’s when I know I need a little TLC for myself, a walk, a film, a laugh, losing myself in Facebook videos, however you do it make sure that you fit in time for yourself.
Sometimes well meaning people will tell you you need to speak to someone, you need to talk through things with someone, your raising teenagers – them being teenagers is the least of my worries and problems if only it was that simple. I suppose what I am saying is do not forget that you are only human, there is only one of you, take care of yourself and ask for help if you need it. Hold your head up high and never be ashamed you are amazing!!!
Xx Leanne xx
