15 methods that do not work for getting a job in UX

There are many effective methods for getting your first UX role. I wrote about them here.

It’s also important to be aware of what does not work if you want to get your foot in the door of this highly competitive field.

Here are 15 methods that do not work, which are not based on my personal experiences or anything I have ever heard of people actually doing, but that are probably not worth trying. If you give any of them a shot and they work, I would be interested in hearing your story.

The 15 methods

Body swaps
Deep fakes
Cryogenic freezing
Psychics, tarot, crystals
Magnets, essential oils, tin foil hats, bleach injections, ear candling, ionized jewelry, hexagonal water
Knocking on wood
Matrix neck port
Phishing, pyramid schemes, multi-level marketing
Stalking hiring managers at Target and giving them paper copies of your resume
Becoming a serial killer who captures UX researchers and makes a suit of their skin, then standing in front of a mirror and ask, “would you hire me? I’d hire me. I’d hire me hard. I’d hire me so hard.”
Spending 25 years at the Black Lodge
Writing “ecneirepxe resu” in blood on a mirror while snowed inside a haunted mountain top hotel
Networking on Grindr, OK Cupid, Ashley Madison, FetLife, etc.
Mansplaining
Excessive puns or sarcasm