Dancing Feet No More

This blog post really puts an emphasis on what I named the whole thing in the first place: Creaky Joints Under Young Skin. 

Because sometimes that's just how it is. 

We were out for our works Christmas do  - eating, drinking and dancing. 

It was so lovely to be out with everyone, letting our hair down after the chaos we have to deal with everyday. 

But it's not just that simple with chronic illness. It never is. 

I had to prepare with a mountain of painkillers, have constant breaks from dancing, kept having to sit down, sweating like a pig; and although I can never dance well, my dancing was definitely off  - knees unable to get myself up off the floor. They did one time and it was a bloody miracle. 

But it's just constantly on your mind that you don't look like you're joining in as much or that you're just not enjoying it, constantly in pain and it takes over your brain. Everyone looking after you and checking in on you, helping you up from the floor. It makes you feel like you just shouldn't come out as everyone else would just have a better time without you. And needing to leave because of the pain but not wanting to let anyone down. 

Luckily, everyone I was with knows me, understands and knows how to make a joke of things with me. 

I never thought that I would be the one to leave a party early but I just know that I wouldn't be able to function if I don't leave. 

It's just one of those things that the illness takes away from you, makes you not yourself. 

And it's just one of those things that you grieve for. 

Never take your dancing feet for granted. 

Thank you for reading, 

Ali x