Heartbroken

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”
-C.S. Lewis

My head is constantly throbbing; my right foot and ankle endure shooting, stabbing pain every day; the bursitis in my hips burns me when I try to sleep. But these things are nothing compared to the pain my heart and soul feel. My heart IS broken. 

My beloved Auntie Jean died October 10th after a short but horrific battle with cancer (probably ovarian, but it’s complicated). She was only 67 years old and it’s been a horrible shock to my entire family. My mother, one of her older sisters, is lost without her. Her kids and husband are grieving deeply. My sister, mom, and I have a sickening sadness in us that will not go away–ever, I’m guessing. Auntie Jean was a second mother to me and was always someone I could talk to about anything and everything.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” -Khalil Gibran

Auntie Jean also understood what it was like to live and struggle with chronic pain. Ever since she was a kid, she suffered from chronic pain and endured numerous surgeries due to various health conditions. The cancer that destroyed her body was also unspeakably painful. Why she had to suffer from so much physical pain in her life, I don’t know. Why must any of us? I can’t believe she’s gone and if I stop and think about it too much (or even a little), I will start crying. The only thing I can find solace in right now is the fact that she is finally free from pain.

I love and miss you so much, my dear Auntie Jean.

RIP Jean Marie (Kolvig) Waldvogel
(8/3/1955 – 10/10/2022)