Pippa’s Christmas Moon

Tonight I waited long after it was dark wrapped up in towels and a rug after the heat of the day had gone and the only warmth left was from the bluestone against my back still warm from the day’s sun.

As I watched the moon rise over the ocean I thought of my darling girl, how much she loved Christmas and how the ache in my heart is no less than it was last Christmas or the one before that or the one before that.  I thought of the people I now know (and those I don’t) who are also spending Christmas Day without their child.  I also thought of those people spending Christmas Day this year knowing that it will be the last time they will see Christmas joy in the face of their child; knowing that Christmas 2020 will need to be navigated with that same empty chasm in their heart that I have in mine.

So if you wake on Christmas morning and happen to see Pippa’s moon on your phone or computer, please, before the chaos and stress and frenzy of Christmas starts, pause and think of all the families spending Christmas without their child and those putting on a brave face for their child.

Christmas is not joyful for everyone.  For many it is simply cruel.  Pippa’s Moon rising over her seat at Port Fairy Beach is indeed beautiful and worth the long dark wait, but its beauty does not make up for the ache in my heart and the sadness that never ever leaves.

My neice sent me a message in reply to this pic tonight that said – Pippa, we love you to the moon and back.  It reminded me of what Pippa used to say.  She loved that book, Guess How Much I Love You.  Whenever Pippa had been away from me she would come home sad from having missed me and cuddle up on my lap and I would have to read her that book.  To cheer her up James and Patrick (at a much younger age than they are now) would act out the story creating a lot of laughter from Pippa with their antics – especially when Big Nutbrown Hair would swing Little Nutbrown Hair high above his head!  At the end, Pippa would always say to me, “Mummy, I don’t love you to the moon and back.  I love you to the moon, around all the planets and all the stars, around the universe, back down to earth and around the world…and back!”