Fears and Frustrations

So i had a pretty successful holiday in norway which involved a lot of walking that i've sort of been training for, but since norway anytime i do any walking i have seizures during the night which are new, they involve an aura in my sleep followed by waking up to be locked into position in a very painful spasm, its like lockjaw, but all over. it was terrifying the first time it happened. i remember waking up incredibly confused and sort of gurgling in pain without any control of what was happening to me. Anyway, this has happened a few times now, its starting to get me down, obviously im scared of having unpleasant seizures but im also scared of what this means inside me head, i'm fully aware that new seizure activity doesn't necessarily correspond to growth but i know in my situation its certainly likely and hard to put it out of mind. and because its in the middle of the night again (nobody can tolerate listening to someones death fears anyway), therefore, im just regurgitating my thoughts on paper here. i find it helps a lot. night :)