Bipolar Me- Times Change

It has been quite a while since I last blogged.

Nearly a year in fact.  It’s not that i didn’t want to but a case of not feeling up to saying much.

Suffice to say things have changed in that period of time. Some good and some not so good.

Kieran, my beautiful son has not been faring too well.  Over the last six months negative mental health issues have impacted him badly.  He has been self harming and questioning everything from his sexuality to his gender identity.  These are difficult questions for any child, adolescent or young person going through puberty let alone one with additional needs like Aspergers Syndrome / Autism.

Sadly his deteriorating mental health has had an impact on my own health.  My employers tried to support me best they could.  However much I tried I could not give my job the full attention it required.  I had to take time off or leave work because Kieran had done something and that needed immediate attention.

Over the last few months Sarah, Kierans mother, or myself would have to go to A&E due to Kieran being so mentally distressed.  It’s an awful thing to see your son in such anguish and being utterly, totally helpless to be able to reach him and sooth him.

The hardest thing is to hear your beloved son sit there and tell you the darkest of thoughts that happen with in his mind and to see him in such pain that his only release is to hurt himself.  So much so that you have to hide all sharp objects.

The strain has been immense.

As for the job.  I have since had to leave that job.  The pressure of Kieran’s predicament and the pressure of work was proving too much.  It was affecting my performance and productivity.  So much so that it was making me unwell mentally and physically.

I would have Return to Work meetings and the only thing they could put in their report is S.A.D. – An Acronym that stands for Stress, Anxiety & Depression:  S.A.D.

I have since left that job.  A decision not taken lightly.  Luckily I have found alternative work.  It doesn’t pay as well but a job is a job.

Kieran’s downward slide has strained Sarah and I’s relationship to beyond breaking point.  To what degree only time will tell.