A Ghoul(i/a)sh Hand

Playing in the Halloween bridge game I pick up hand that looks like it was dealt from a ghoulash.

S: (nope) H: (nope) D: Kxxx C: (finally!) AKQJxxxxx

Just your standard 0=0=4=9 with a solid suit. (Almost) any number of clubs could be the right opening. But I’m not first to speak. Partner opens …. 4 Hearts.

RHO bids 4 No Trump. RHO is an expert I’ve known for 35 years and I’m positive his bid shows a hand with two landing spots, and looking at my hand I know which two suits he means. I could still bid six clubs (or five) but …. RHO is not playing with an expert. He’s playing with a lovely little old lady and I bet she doesn’t know what 4 NT means. In fact she might take it as blackwood or better yet pass (and then I’d take the first nine tricks, which is OK unless we have a club slam).

Worst case, I can still bid six clubs next round . (I could also bid five clubs but partner might pull that or take it as led directing in support of hearts, which it probably should mean.)

So I pass. LHO bids … Five Hearts! I’m assuming this is blackwood. Partner passes and RHO squirms a bit and bids Six Diamonds. Wonderful. I might not take a club, but its not unreasonable to take two diamonds. I pass and then LHO bids …. Six spades.

This revolting development is passed back to me. I am not going to bid seven clubs. For one thing, I’ll definitely lose to anyone who just shot out five or six clubs earlier. And this slam was not bid rationally. Even assuming LHO has two aces and a club void, they may still be off a slow trick or two. I pass.

Partner leads the heart king and I see a revolting dummy:

S: Jxxxx H: — D:AQJTxxx C:T

Declarer pitches the club ten and I have nothing better to do than pitch the club ace, informing partner of my double void. Declarer takes her time, but she has AKQxxx of spades and the heart ace, so she makes seven.

Then she gently says “Didn’t you hear me transfer to spades? And you had five!“

I get the grim satisfaction of being right, while I score the zero for being the only pair that slam made against (if I’d bid seven clubs, I’d have scored a zero a different way).

Ghoulish, indeed.