Holiday FOMO Sucks

FOMO, the feeling of missing out, can happen any time, but it feels like the holidays really exacerbate this feeling.

This year my wife and I chose not to go to company holiday party. It is a 21+ event that my company hosts, and is a big social event around the workplace, but since my kids obviously can’t go, we felt that we’d rather stay home and enjoy our time as a family than leave the kids at home just so the parents could have fun.

The notion of skipping the party got some odd looks from people at work, but generally people were supportive (while obviously planning to go themselves).

But the Monday after the party, I was inundated with post-holiday party discussions, anecdotes, photos on the company social media, and so on. Even if no one intends it, it’s grating to be constantly reminded of all the fun people had while I chose to miss out.

I willingly chose to stay home and hang out with my kids, and I don’t regret that, but I also don’t enjoy the feeling that everyone else celebrated anyway without me. Selfish, but still.

This also goes for the holidays themselves. I grew up Christian, but in my teens and 20’s I left that behind1 and eventually took up the Buddhist path. For most of the year, I have no qualms about this, but then every Christmas and Easter, I feel a pang of FOMO. Maybe it’s because I grew up with Sunday school, and the old biblical stories still have a place in my heart,2 or maybe it’s because holidays just aren’t prominent in the Buddhist faith. I don’t know. But every year I miss it, then when the holiday passes, I am back to my old self.3

It feels sometimes like someone who’s exiled themselves, and looking back at everything they have missed.

But when I think about it, it’s something I willingly left behind, and am glad for doing so. From a personal growth and theological standpoint, I feel like Buddhism was much more helpful to me, even with all the twists and turns I’ve gone through over the years. It’s hard to imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn’t had the encounters I did. It’s a lonely path sometimes, especially living in the West, but I am glad I chose it.

Namu Amida Butsu

Featured image: Yoshitoshi block print from 100 Aspects of the Moon, depicting Abe no Nakamaro overseas in China viewing the moon and longing for home.

P.S. Speaking of holidays, enjoy the Maha Santa Claus Sutra.

1 I am sure someone reading this will eventually want to ask “why”, and whether I’d consider coming back. Short answer is “no”, and save your breath. That ship sailed a long time ago.

2 It’s hard to explain. It’s not something I personally believe in, I just enjoy imagining the time and place, maybe in the same way I feel about reading Tolkien or something. Or, I miss it the way I miss Christmas as depicted in the Peanuts cartoons: something that’s idyllic, but doesn’t actually exist.

3 I even picked up the Bible a couple times over the years and read through some old, familiar chapters, but they feel hollow to me now with the benefit of perspective. The Dharma is just so much deeper and meaningful to me now.