Fan fiction about Tom Hank's ultimate health routine in Cast Away, complete with coconut fueled nutrition, island fitness, and sleeping under the stars The post Stranded on an Island Protocols appeared first on BlogGaud.
In honor of Dr. Huberman’s debut novel, Protocols (available September 9th), I’m highlighting the king of optimal living, Chuck Noland’s (Tom Hanks – Cast Away) daily schedule.
| Time | Activity |
|---|---|
| 5:30 | Wake-up to the sound of waves lapping against the rocks and maybe a crab or two crawling through my beard |
| 5:35 | I cut my hand while making fire in order to boil water to fill my two seashell cups |
| 5:45 | Pull something green from the ocean (I’m sure it’s fine) to add to my water for essential vitamins and minerals. Seawater residue is a bonus because it provides electrolytes. Use a dirty stick to stir (I’m sure it’s fine) |
| 6:00 | Navigate wet rocks to check my fishing nets. Traversing slippery footholds frequently puts me in downward facing dog, dhanurasana, tree, cat, cobra, and other yoga poses |
| 6:45 | Sun exposure. I spend 2-10 minutes outdoors absorbing the sun to optimize my circadian rhythms, and then realize I’m on a desert island and I get 14 hours of sun a day. I’m not optimizing my circadian rhythms, I’m optimizing my circadian symphony |
| 7:00 | I found a cold spring in my man-cave (makes it sound cooler than just a cave, and technically it’s true). I’ll take a 1-3 minute dip to boost my metabolism. Need to boost the old metabolism with all the desert island overeating |
| 7:30 | Morning Workout Strength – Carrying all the UPS, FedEx, DHL, and Amazon packages that wash up on shore. It just so happens that my island is next to a country that manufactures fitness equipment. Therefore, most of the packages that wash up contain various weight plates, dumbbells, and kettlebells. What luck! Endurance – About this time, a mysterious smoke monster (Lost and Cast Away live in the same universe) materializes and chases me around the island |
| 10:00 | Now that it’s several hours after waking, I am ready for my daily caffeine intake. I seep a yellow lichen that grows on the south shore rocks for 30 minutes. After ingesting, I spend the next three hours talking to a volleyball…I remembered lichens contain caffeine from a biology lecture, but I could be I could be mistaking caffeine for hallucinogens and biology class for the 32 year old freshman that lived in a van outside of my dorm |
| 1:00 | The first meal of the day consists of anything I caught in my fishing nets or crawling around my beard |
| 6:30 | Evening Workout Cardio – I take long walks on the beach |
| 7:00 | For my last meal of the day, I try and replenish my glycogen levels with coconuts (lots of fiber too!). You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. There’s uh, coconut-kabobs, coconut creole, coconut gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple coconut, lemon coconut, coconut coconut, pepper coconut, coconut soup, coconut stew, coconut salad, coconut and potatoes, coconut burger, coconut sandwich. That- that’s about it (wrong Tom Hanks movie?) |
| 9:30 | Prepare for sleep. I try to avoid the blue light from my make-believe cell phone that I created out of a turtle shell, palm frond, shark teeth, and hardened lizard droppings. Instead, I opt to read the gear specs of the fitness equipment: Color – Black Weight – Heavy Made in USA – No Length – 11.3” Width – 9.3” It’s not Shakespeare, but it puts me right to sleep |
| 10:00 | Sleep. Not sure it’s 7.5 hours, since I wake up every 11 minutes to switch which side of my body is sleeping on cave rocks, but I’m sure my morning sun exposure is maximizing my deep and REM sleep… |
The post Stranded on an Island Protocols appeared first on BlogGaud.
