The three B's — Breakdown, Breakthrough, Breakout. Beate Chelette writes from inside the first one. The void. The messy middle where the old is gone and the new has not arrived. A raw, personal piece about surrender, the Phoenix, and why the messy middle is not a detour — it is the work. The post When You Know You’re Done With One Thing but the Next Thing Hasn’t Arrived appeared first on Beate Chelette.
Life is messy. Transitions and transformations are great when you are done with them. When you go through them, not so much.
I tell my clients that there are three B’s. Breakdown. Breakthrough. Breakout. And I am in the breakdown version of this. Because of the fire, the letting go of the old version has been intense, hot like the fire that took everything. Not just the stuff I owned. The things that defined me. The image I portrayed. All of it in three feet of ashes.
“You will be more resilient,” they say.
Frankly, I didn’t need to be more resilient. Name the disaster, chances are I experienced it. Riots. Earthquake. The loss of a friend and collaborator in a Tsunami. Death. Divorce. Lawsuit. 9/11. And now the fire. Thank you very much, I have covered the topic of resilience. But this moment is not about resilience. This moment is about letting go and surrendering an old version of you that no longer serves you.
We believe that we must become something made from multiple parts. What our parents expected. What honors our ancestors. What lives up to our potential. Makes money. Creates value and makes meaningful contributions. Spends time with our kids and families. Lives balanced lives. Improves our spiritual connection. Dedicates ourselves to growth. And of course, eats and exercises the right way.
That is not balance. That is insanity.
The more I look at it, the more I realize that just creating that external version and feeding that, is both easy and difficult at the same time. That we craft this persona, call it your personal brand and then we defend it at all costs. When my godmother transitioned a few weeks ago, I see my mother and realize that this, her external version of herself is the thing that kept her together her entire life. Playing a part that she believes looks good on the outside. That she never examined who she is without this version of the woman with the hat that everyone is jealous of, admires and is deeply religious. All to avoid dealing with the realities of the stuff that is painful. Our imperfections, shortcomings, facing the mistakes we made, seeking amends for our trespasses and owning up to the choices we make. The willingness to let something that no longer serves you go and calling something new in. It’s too painful. It would be like admitting to having made a mistake. In Germany you just cannot do that. There’s punishment for that. Back when she grew up, people died for that. She took the route of asking God for forgiveness and in her life he did and therefore there is nothing else to do. It’s not happening in this lifetime. That is the decision she made. And she owns it. This decision I can live with. Because it is a somewhat conscious decision. She is 91.
The Breakdown
Watching that — what the deeper question around business success and the person that drives that success — really YOU becomes this: How are you doing?
How are you holding up in all of this? Are you buckling under the pressure? The making sure it looks good. Perhaps the monetary success is still the thing you are told that if you would only achieve it, somehow magically everything would fall into place?
Because being around a lot of high-net-worth people, I can tell you that the lifestyle just becomes more expensive. The expenses and expectations get higher. The goal posts move. The number moves. When you chase the external without the inner alignment, you are going on a bumpy ride. You may just become one of many, amongst an army of people who cannot sleep at night because the other part of them, the perfectionist cannot bridge the gap from you having done the growth work to letting your internal self catchup with becoming the person you did the work for in the first place!
It is admittedly a bit crazy making.
In my last podcast episode I speak with Tarkan, a fellow German who took his success to a whopping 50 million dollars, did business with the likes of H&M, and moved through the fashion industry at a high level. Until one day he was not sure what he was chasing. And he shut the entire thing down. Without a plan. Other than: not this.
Here is the episode. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2317415/episodes/19256413
The Breakthrough
The parallel I see — and why I did that interview — is that I want to show that there is a messy middle. The void, as Tarkan calls it. The piece where you are in the worst possible spot. Where the old is dismantled. Where you are grieving your old self while knowing you cannot continue. And where you have not yet stepped into the new version because that vision has not shown up.
In the interview, Tarkan shares what he did to get comfortable being so uncomfortable. The 5 am Club that cracked him open in Bali. The Sufism framework that helped him understand why everything was being taken away and how to see it not as punishment, but as preparation. The 12,000 hours of self-development that have compounded into something he is still learning how to bring into the world.
And as I did this interview, I had to admit something to myself. I am there too.
It burned. God, I am so over saying that. Half the questions I am asked I must answer with don’t have that anymore, it burned. That burned. It is exhausting.
And the internal part is not much easier. Now add the somatic piece of grief and let go to it. Headache. Stiff neck. Name the virus of the week and it will find me. I just want to sleep.
Why can’t I focus?
That is in direct competition with the old version of me that says, you can design a process around it. Will take you less than an hour. My superskill, easy! Isn’t action always the answer. And the answer is no. Not this time.
The Breakout
The answer is: can you just be, for once, and let this do what it does?
Can you sit with this in full surrender and allow it to be what it needs to be? The grief and the sadness that come with letting something go. Being just in that without the need to call in something new. Because this is about being not doing.
I hate this part.
Because the new thing is probably already in formation. It is already here.
I just cannot see it yet.
That is the breakthrough before the breakout. That is where Tarkan is. That is where I am. And if you are reading this and nodding — that is where you are too.
The breakthrough is not the end of the story. It is already the first chapter of the next one. The prelude. The breakthrough does not announce itself. And the breakout? It does not send a calendar invite. It arrives in the quiet after your full surrender. This is the moment you step into the new version of yourself because you were willing to stay in the fire long enough to allow the Phoenix to rise. The Phoenix rises from the ashes, after the fire has full consumed everything.
That’s why I say I have been forged in fire. Literally. And it is why I am calling where I am going — The Forge.
The messy middle is not a detour. It is the work. And you are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be. As I tell you that, my friends are telling me.
We are in this together.
A Closing Reflection
What if the thing you are waiting to arrive is already forming — and the only thing standing between you and seeing it is your willingness to stop filling the silence? To fully surrender. To be and not do.
Let’s grow, Beate.
P.S. If you are in the void right now and you want a framework for what comes next, The Forge starts here: YourBusinessMC.com
The post When You Know You’re Done With One Thing but the Next Thing Hasn’t Arrived appeared first on Beate Chelette.
