ADHD & Marriage News - November 20, 2023 Quote of the Week �Fear is always future-based. We fear what might happen later. The past is gone, so there�s no point in being afraid of it. If past traumas cause...
ADHD & Marriage News - November 20, 2023
Quote of the Week
�Fear is always future-based. We fear what might happen later. The past is gone, so there�s no point in being afraid of it. If past traumas cause fear in us, it is only because we fear that the traumatic event will reoccur. That�s what trauma is�wounding caused by a past event that makes us chronically fearful about the future and so queasy in the present. But the future doesn�t exist now, in the present, the only moment in which we are ever alive. So, though our fear may be visceral, it is based on a misconception, that the future is somehow now. It�s not."
- From Tricycle, the Buddhist Review, Norman Fischer
Fear and the Present Moment
Last summer I learned the power of staying in the present moment vs. fearing what might happen.� I was fearing I might run into two people who had traumatized me whom I really didn�t wish to see.� The anxiety I felt as I contemplated that fear really made me feel horrible.� Turns out there is some neuroscience at work here.� When we ruminate about a fear of a possible future event, our brain responds as if we are actually living that traumatic potential event in the present moment!� It doesn�t differentiate between the feared event and the actual event.� In other words, by living in a state of anxiety about a potential trauma we further traumatize ourselves and add to our injury even though the dreaded event may not ever happen.
Wow!
I think about all the partners I know who spend so much of their time anticipating a difficult future interaction � one that is difficult because of past traumas - and I am blown away by the fact that any of us are still standing!
There is a way out.� In my case, I prepared a way to calmly respond should the dreaded encounter actually happen.� Then I promised myself that the last person I should be hurting is myself by being anxious and living an event in my mind that might not happen.� I was able to let go of my fear of future interactions and live the present moment as it came to me.� Applying this approach generally to anxious feelings has been, quite literally, life changing. �
In a relationship, it takes two people to make the changes that make a relationship more stable and less anxiety-provoking for both partners.� But a good starting point is moving oneself away from letting a future that may or may not happen add to our trauma.
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HAPPY THANKSGIVING�to you and your family. May all the good things of life be yours, not only at Thanksgiving but throughout the coming year.
?��Can you relate to�this Thanksgiving sentiment? My Community is a safe place where people living with ADHD share questions, confusion, pain, ideas and experiences with others who face the same sorts of issues as you do. Join us.�You are not alone!Happy Thanksgiving Excitement is building as we approach the highly anticipated #adhd2023
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?��International Conference on ADHD�- Benefit from well-known speakers and authors and also�from conversations with fellow attendees. My�virtual presentation: Communication Techniques that Work for ADHD-Impacted Couples - Wednesday, December 6, 2023, 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM. Register here.
In-Person Conference: Thursday, November 30�Saturday, December 2
Online Conference: Tuesday, December 5�Wednesday, December 6
Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD
SEMINARS, GROUPS:
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar�- Is your relationship in trouble?�My highly acclaimed 9-session Zoom seminar�has helped many couples thrive in�healthier, happier relationships. The next live Seminar starts February 13, 2024.
Non ADHD Partner Support Group�and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group�-�Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles�and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.
New:�ADHD & Marriage Professional Training Program�- an integrated team of experts�dedicated to supporting the needs of couples and adults impacted by ADHD.��
FREE RESOURCES:
How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;�
Downloadable chapters of my books;
A�community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A�large number of blog posts on various topics;
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ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP.�ADHDmarriage.com�can literally change your life!�
Question?�Contact Melissa.
�- Please follow us for tips and resources.
� 2023�Melissa Orlov
