I have a diagnosis of an adjustment mood disorder: better known as depression. It started when I first got sick. It made sense that living in chronic pain would cause some serious mood issues. For the past 20 years,...
I have a diagnosis of an adjustment mood disorder: better known as depression. It started when I first got sick. It made sense that living in chronic pain would cause some serious mood issues. For the past 20 years, I�ve struggled to balance the negativity in my head with the life that I want to lead. Each morning, I fight the need to stay in bed and avoid all interactions with people. It�s ironic that my specialty is teaching social skills, isn�t it? There is a definite correlation between my pain/active disease level and my mood. Intense pain brings me down in many ways.
This week, I received an extraordinary honor. Beyond extra ordinary and I am honored and humbled to have been given Congressional recognition for �In acknowledgement not your hard work and dedication to the community, You have given of yourself as a special education teacher, speech-language pathologist, professor, advocate, and author always championing the needs of others. Your example shows the positive influence one woman can have to affect change in the world, I am honored to recognize your efforts and fortunate to have you benefitting my legislative district.�
I still can�t read that without feeling overwhelmed. This award was a bit of a shock. I was recommended for this commendation by the parent of one of my students. In this day and age, when educators are consistently torn down, I�m honored that this family granted me such a kindness. I�m humbled and so very grateful.
I didn�t know what a congressional commendation was at first. I thought I would receive something in the mail. I had no idea there would be a lovely ceremony with local politicians and four other amazingly accomplished women. Prior to the reception, I didn�t tell many people about the award. I�ve never personally been nominated for an award outside of the advocacy world, and was afraid people would think. I didn�t want to seem braggadocios or to make a bigger deal about it than it was. Personally, I wouldn�t care if the award was fish ticks and a scratch off lottery ticket. The simple thought that someone saw me as worthy of this type of recognition had me overwhelmed. Once the event was over, I did share with family and friends and I received lovely responses.
The next day, I crashed. Hard. The entire day was a struggle and everything brought me to tears. I didn�t understand why I couldn�t just be happy. I had something really amazing happen to me and I felt so low. I got home from work and found two welcome letters from the pharmaceutical company that makes my new medication to treat my arthritis. I had forgotten one of the side effects: X is associated with an increase in depression. I�ve been dealing with tension headaches, nausea and stomach issues since starting the drug, but my pain has significantly decreased. One step forward and two steps back. I was keeping close track of the other side effects and forgot about this one. I�ll be talking with my therapist and my rheumatologist soon.
It�s difficult to process joy crashing into sadness, and it took me by surprise. At least knowing there may be a reason for my spiral gives me some comfort. Regardless, I will forever be grateful to have received such an amazing honor.
