I�ve been having a lot of conversations in my head that start with �Dear God.� Sometimes the next few words are simply please help me. Other times it has much more context, passion and emotion. I also have to...
I�ve been having a lot of conversations in my head that start with �Dear God.� Sometimes the next few words are simply please help me. Other times it has much more context, passion and emotion. I also have to admit there might be a level of desperation in the mix. Luckily, not always.
I am starting a new job on 6/1. I run the gamut of excitement to breathless anxiety when I think about it. I have gone to bed with a strong mindset that I will be a good leader and can absolutely do this job, to wake with my heart pounding full of intense fear I made the worst decision of my life. Momentarily paralyzed under the covers trying to slow the resounding beats, I start my conversation. This exact scenario happened two mornings ago, which was Saturday. It went a little something like this:
Dear God. Please help me. Please help me believe I can do this job. Please help my heart to slow and my mind to open to the possibilities. Please guide my thinking. I have an opportunity to be teachable and teach. I don�t have to be perfect on day one or ever, really. I just need to be the things I would like in a supervisor-honest, accountable, supportive, positive, team oriented, and a problem solver. Much more to be revealed I�m sure, but this is my start.
As my breathing became normal and heartbeat in a comfortable rhythm once again, I whispered out loud-thank you for listening. I stayed in bed just a little bit longer to ensure my knees wouldn�t be wobbly when my feet hit the floor. Anxiety can be so damn painful. And hidden. And at times relentless. My own mind convincing me I cannot do a job others feel I can. In fact, my old supervisor sought me out for this position. She has all the belief in me.
Why Don�t I?
I�m also trying to have this dialogue when I am not feeling in crisis. For example, when riding my bike with nature all around me I revel in gratitude. This doesn�t seem to come as naturally. Heck, if I�m honest, talking to God is relatively new for me in general. But, I think I kinda like it. Like anything in life, it ebbs and flows. I can certainly be better about it. Progress not perfection.
