It Takes a Village

Family life is busy – Cooking, cleaning, school, extracurricular activities, pet care, etc. With two working parents, it’s impossible to do all the things all the time. A support network of family and friends is paramount. Support systems can provide childcare, pet sitting, chauffeuring, help with emergencies, and other familial needs. Healthy networks are symbiotic. However, if a network participant is parasitic, they disrupt the entire ecosystem.

Why do some people take advantage of their supports? I don’t know the answer as I’m not a parasite (at least I hope not), but I have thoughts.

Parasitic Categories

1. Naive
   • Failing to recognize that they are constantly putting people out.
   • It’s only small favors.
   • The person providing the help enjoys it.
2. Jerk
   • They don’t care that they are constantly putting people out.
   • Their life is more important than those providing help, and thus they are the priority.
3. Lazy
   • It’s easier to ask someone else to do it.
   • It’s quicker to ask someone else to do it.
   • They don’t want to learn anything new in order to do it on their own.
4. Ignorance
   • Not understanding that growth is more valuable than free time, and if you put in the time and effort now, it will benefit the whole family.
   • (Children specific) Lacking the knowledge that kids need their parents. The more you task others with watching, teaching, disciplining, and raising your kids, the worse it is for the kids.

The difference between being naive and a jerk is about empathy. If you don’t understand empathy, and constantly impose on your system of support, you’re naive. If you understand empathy, but continue to impose on your system of support, you’re a jerk.

The difference between being lazy and ignorant is about education. If you don’t understand the value of doing more in support of/with/for your family, you’re ignorant. If you understand the value of doing more in support of/with/for your family, but choose not to, you’re lazy.

Everyone agrees that it takes a village to raise a child. If you take advantage of that village, you risk burning it down.

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