I�m having one of those days, one of those few days. I�m hoping this feeling is going to pass but at the minute it doesn�t feel like it. I know the reasons, I know the triggers and I know...
I�m having one of those days, one of those few days. I�m hoping this feeling is going to pass but at the minute it doesn�t feel like it. I know the reasons, I know the triggers and I know that I need to sort things out, let other things go and stop running away from problems. I�m sensible, I know all of this. But today it�s hard. Life is hard. I�m having one of those days when you feel like everyone thinks you�re useless, like you�re a bad person and like you don�t deserve happiness. Deep down I know that isn�t true and if someone told me all of that I would shout them down because I know it�s not true. But today, I feel it.�
I feel like everyone could be better without me. I feel like a burden and I feel like in order for me to get better and be ok I have to rely on people that love me to help me. Why should they? Why can�t I just be a normal person that can live life and get through it without constantly needing help and support from others to clean up my shit. It�s such a horrible feeling. I�m asking for the help, slowly, I am explaining and trying to sort things. That doesn�t make it any easier though. It takes so much guts to admit that you�ve messed up again and to ask for help to sort it out. So much guilt runs through me, so much sorrow and self pity. That doesn�t help � I know that. On the outside I seem completely normal. I don�t break down, not like I�m doing inside.�
I don�t know what the answers are. I�m tired of it. I thought I was ok. Every time I think I�m ok, one silly thing happens that most people just get on with. Not me, I can�t just get on with it. It breaks me and I have to get help and support to come out of it quickly before I descend into the darkness of my own mind. It�s so so horrible.�
The worst thing about me is that I make it worse for myself. I often create the stress. I need a thousand things going on, then when they�re all in full swing, I can�t handle them. I just wish I could stop all of this. I wish I could stop thinking, just for a day or two. I hate it all right now. I have everything to live for and amazing things are happening in my life. I have wonderful people around me and any normal person would really never be complaining. So why? Why can I not cope? Why do I feel like life is so hard? Why? Because I�m ill. Because I�m always going to be ill. I�m always going to have something wrong with me that makes me not normal. I thought I was getting used to that, accepting it. It seems I�m not 
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